On Edge

There are times when you can just feel it... waiting for the other shoe to drop.  You know SOMETHING is going to happen, but you don't know what, or when.  This feels like my new daily reality, and I have to admit I don't like it.  I know some of it is self contrived - I want to stay on top of Em's sugar levels like a hawk.  I have solid proof that me letting my guard down means highs and lows, not to mention forgotten supplies.  I want to give her control, but it's so new to her.  I want to let her learn the best ways to manage her diabetes, but she has no desire right now.

So I try to walk that very thin line of helping but not controlling.  And it seems most days that I keep getting pushed off.  Then I remind myself... if this is difficult for me, imagine how much of a beast this is for my daughter to comprehend.  To manage.  To accept...

So today, here are my intentions: 

1. Attempt a modified version of the cleanse I started yesterday.  Instead of crashing and burning at 7pm, I hope to add a little more substance to my day.
2. Focus on 5 wonderful things about my daughter today (instead of just continually harping about her sugars, her lack of homework and her messy bedroom.
3. Book a massage.  I've put it off for too long.

I tell my clients every day - you can't put yourself at the bottom of the list for very long... and here I have for almost 6 months.  It's time to change that, before I'm no good to anyone!