Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Ugh. But, ahhhh.

I hate being that mom who complains that she never does anything for herself. I have always prided myself on taking a little time to just chill out. To go for coffee with a friend. To stick my nose in a great book. To add bubbles to a nice hot bath...

I was feeling sorry for myself. No time. Too much homework. Too busy. Then I realized, as I was preparing for another busy night... that my time was IN there. I just had to peel back the attitude. My friend stopped by - if even just for a minute. Another friend dropped off some stuff for me - and stayed for a tea. If even just for a quick one. My mom dropped by to bring me some spices (yes, there's irony there) and she chatted. If even for just a moment. And as I sat here woefully working on my anatomy homework, I was overcome by a Roger Whitaker Christmas song about children. As my own daughter tossed in bed, too late, having trouble sleeping.

Yelling at her didn't help one little bit. Threats either. So as I listened to Rog sing about the magic of children in this blessed season, I TOOK my moment. I went in, cuddled my baby, and asked her what was wrong. She was sad. For no reason - just feeling the traditional L'Heureux girl blues. I TOOK my time to chill with my baby, hugged my baby. Stroked her cheek and ear, and felt her go limp in my arms as she fell asleep beside me. And as I quietly sneaked out of her room, listening to another old Christmas carol, I couldn't help but be reminded of every moment I have shared with this child. Every night I quietly sneaked out of my baby, my toddler, my little girl, my young lady.... my baby's room. And I couldn't help but realize how numbered my days are with my baby. And how many moments I will have "to myself".

I got myself together, and turned the carols down just a little, so I could hear if she was still stirring. Peace and quiet now surround me, except for "The Prayer" playing very low, and my computer whirring. I will have a few moments of me time when I'm done my anatomy tonight. But my best moment of the night will be the time I made for my daughter when she needed me. I almost missed it, but I TOOK it. If even for just a moment....

J

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Jacki...Thank you ...we all need that amzaing reminder!